She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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