she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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