mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
