dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
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You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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