your parents love me but you hate me
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i out mim tonsoeep
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