Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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