I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
love makes seman taste better
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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