man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
