6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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