508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
