they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
