i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
