i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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