sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
you never un-have a 4some
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Randomize
