I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
