I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
