im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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