I hate all girls vehemently.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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