I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
