I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
