I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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