just come out here and I will go home with you...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
