wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
