Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
