I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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