my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
