what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
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