No awkward lesbian experiences without me
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
