I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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