i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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