I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
