I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
