is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
