You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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