cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
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I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
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Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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