My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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