the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
