I didn't shave. On purpose
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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