Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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