My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
