I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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