Swine flu. Run for my life!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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