Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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