Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
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What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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