I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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