Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
