I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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