you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize