Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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