God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
