Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
