My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
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