"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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