i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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