i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
