my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize