He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
