We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Randomize
