was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
