If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
