Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
