I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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