girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I got inside last night via doggy door
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
