Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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