the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Found your dick twin last night
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
