I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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