I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
