what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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