is your mom at the bar?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There's always time for handjobs
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
