Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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