I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
