I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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