i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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