look no pants
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
