this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
