I'm jealous of your bromance
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
