I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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