I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
