i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
