Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
