everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just googled if crying burns calories
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
